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Apr. 22nd, 2014

river_prettyicon

Anger

I'm angry. I'm angry about being rejected again. I'm angry about being rejected and the guy goes into a relationship with a petite brunette almost instantly. But mostly, I'm angry at myself. I'm angry that I allowed myself to be in the same situation I've been getting into. I don't WANT that. I don't want it at all. I want a relationship. I want someone who will remind me how beautiful the world can be --- yes, stolen from Donnie Darko. I want someone to remind me that I am a relationship person. I want someone who won't get into a relationship with a petite brunette after stringing me along for months. I'd like that very much.

I feel like Zuko in Avatar: the Last Airbender. The episode "The Beach"... He's angry all the time. He's angry at himself. And that's how I feel. My fire raging inside of me. No outlet. I haven't felt really angry in a while. I get angry but it disperses quickly. I move on. But this anger is clinging to me. I need to do my Bill healing exercises and meditate and release it. I don't like being angry. It's a false sense of empowerment. But I can't shake this anger welling up inside. Anger at myself.
"Stay strong, beautiful. I don't know what happened exactly, but it sounds like you allowed yourself to open your heart up, which is a beautiful thing in and of itself. Matters of the heart are always filled with risks...and you were brave enough to leap. I admire you for that. I know we haven't worked together in awhile but it sounds like you're doing so many great things with your life...and I'm honestly quite proud to see another woman in camera/lighting out there kicking ass.  Every experience, even the ones that hurt us the most, can help us grow."
From Camille on Facebook.

Joni Mitchell is helping calm the inner demon as I write.
Started with "Both Sides Now" and the album "Blue".

Mar. 18th, 2014

buffy

St. Paddy's Day Blues

In my confusion
I started to think
Maybe he isn't the one
But maybe he can be someone
I should never have allowed myself to think that
The Universe says, "No."
As my Green turns to Blue
on this St. Paddy's Day
As my muddled head
Feels more confused
Rather than less
Feelings for someone
But hope for a future with another
What is this, the Middle Ages?
No.
I'm tired of this.
It's the same old song
Just shoot the bird
And go to sleep.



Soothing song for the night:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GemKqzILV4w

Aug. 24th, 2012

nightmare before christmas!

From Paper to Computer

I just want to post some of my written work because I'm in the mood. Which, sometimes translates as impromptu writing to release my current feelings (almost like a journal, but not). And I'M WATCHING THE PRINCESS BRIDE because I'm seriously deprived of romance.

                                                           ~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I was a kid, I wanted to fly a rocket to the sun and my friends told me, 'You can't do that, it's too hot!' So I said, 'I'd only do it at night." -Jeff, Narrative Writing classmate

Untitled:
The noise resonated; the music, loud unending over-modulated amps, within the night club.

Getting drinks, getting drunk, and finding the perfect fuck buddy for the night seems to be the unending routine. But I guess that's how things become a "routine" in the first place: repeating and unending.

Out-of-place girls find out-of-place guys to hump to each song. A different guy each song, a different guy each night until she finds the right one - or hell, even with the right one. If only that were the case with me. That's right, me. Tall, slim blonde with an eating disorder. You wouldn't think so with the look of me. Working for a magazine by day, going out all night. You'd think that a leggy girl like me would be meeting someone or multiple someones each night. If only that were true. It is so hard to come across guys that are obviously interested in you, you know? Am I explaining this okay? Is this thing on?

Anyways, where was I? Hook ups and hopes. Nothing more. We wish it'd be more. The guys only want to hook up while the girls (most of them anyway) wish for more - wish to blow this night's man's mind... hope that he calls you for more. If he does, it still is only a booty call, nothing more. Seriously, even if you are seriously skilled in fucking / making love / what have you, then what makes us think he'd want us for more than anything but fucking? How the fuck do we know? It's just how we end up thinking -- impress a guy, baffle a guy, and he'll call; he'll want it to be more than just fucking.

Drunk girls being dragged away by a different guy every night. She's the one who's so drunk that she doesn't know any better. She doesn't mind that the guy her girlfriend's into is all over her for the night or that her girlfriend is feeling awkward for being coupled out. See, that's the problem with being leggy; we're usually tall and the guys want petite brunettes. 
Just saying.
And the guy who is fucking this one girl who gets super wasted every night flirts with me -- it's disgusting. How can anyone think otherwise? But I guess it's all okay if you're drunk. Wrong. Fuck this shit. Time for curtain call. I'm going to kiss this guy.

                                                          ~~~~~~~~~~~
Here
I want your arms around me
I wash my dishes
A mundane chore 
And imagine you surprising me
Walking over
And wrapping your arms around
Me
Resting your head on my shoulder
I can almost feel you
Here

I'm so happy
With you
It's different with you
I'm writing even though
I'm floating
With you
Even though I'm not in pain
Even though darkness
is at bay
I'm still myself
Still a writer
Here

It's different 
With you
Everyone thinks I'm crazy
But you're with me
Even when you're not
You fill my head
With wonder
You're not intoxicating
And blinding
You're uplifting
Eye-opening
My biffle
I want you
Here

I love you
Here

Here
is where you are
Here
is where I am
Here 
is where we make it.


Miss You
I miss you
Sometimes you get the lower end of the stick
Being the girl
The one that lets you drown
In a vastness of water

But thinking of you
I'm not drowning
Just longing
Missing you so
Is that so wrong?

I miss you
Thinking of you
Do you miss me?
And think of me too?
I'll give you space
I won't text or call you
--Why?--
I don't want to play games with you
I just want to be ME
I just want you to be you.

Do you miss me? 
Think of me?
Please do.
You do not need to say anything
I just need to feel that I'm on your mind
That I'm not alone in the water
That we swim our way to shore
Together

Forget the stick.
Forget games.
Think of our friendship.
And my love for you...

I do not need to know if you love me too.
I just need to feel
That
You think of me
That 
You miss me

I miss you...

I love you...


How to Fix a Puppet
I've never felt so comfortable
and so nervous around anyone

I want us to work out
But I guess I'm cursed
Cursed to find unavailable
men
Damaged men
Not ready for another relationship
Men who need to be fixed
But I don't want to fix anyone
I don't want to fix you

I love you
Unconditionally
I want you to want me
But not at a price
The price of our friendship
I don't want to fix you

A puppet without strings
Worse
A puppet without the hands
to hold its strings

Sometimes I feel that way myself...

All I want to do is find a way
To your side of the stage
Take your hand
And be stringless together

We may be stuck
But we'll be stuck together
Same time
Same place
Same stage
Same us

Our friendship leading the show

I don't want to fix you
I just want to be with you
One way 
Or 
Another,
we'll find our strings
Together.


The Little Things
I love you

I love you for you
I love how we're always laughing together
I love how you're you and I'm me and that never changes, never has,
I hope it never will.
I love the little things you do.
I love how you sit with your chin resting on your fist.
I love how you look so focused and interested in what's in front of you when you do so.
I love how excited you get when you talk about everything you are passionate about and almost anything you are interested in.
I love your hugs; those strong, comforting hugs. -- They always make me feel instantly happier.
I love how you get me out, breathe fresh air.
I love how when I'm doing bad, you're there to listen.
I love you because you've seen me at my absolute worst. You've seen me at my best.
I love you because you're a friend through and through, even though I love you.
I love you because it's nearly impossible to be grouchy around you. Your presence instantly soothes me.
I love you because you're fun.
I love you for our first kiss -- I always said that it would be a sign to me if my first kiss with someone wasn't terrible; this definitely was the total opposite of terrible. It was mind-blowing, magical.
I love you for putting up with crazy old me.
I love you for you.
You melt my heart.
You uplift my heart and spirit.


Don't Let Me Go
Watching two people embrace
One starting to pull away
The other
Doesn't let go
Pulls her closer
Tighter
Playfully
Meaningfully

Every "intimate" relationship I've had
The "man" has let me go
Every one

I do not want you to be another tally on the wall
I want you to stay
I want you to be mine

If I have to go
And you have to stay
A part of me will stay with you
And a part of you will come with me
Two parts of each other
Connecting us over space and time
Hardly seems possible
But it is
If you let it

Take me in an unbreakable embrace
Hold me
Tight
Don't ever let go
We'll dance through life together
Take a strong lead
Be a strong lead
Be the man inside of you

Take my hand
Gently, but firmly
The other hand at the small of my back
Guiding
Interlocking

Take me in an unbreakable embrace
Hold me
Tight
Hold me like them
Don't let go
If and when I leave
I will not let go
Don't let go
Don't ever let go
Don't ever let me go

They all regret it.


One of my Middle of the Night scribbles:
And you could hear her heart literally break
Shatter like glass
--that's because the pain chilled her heart instantly, changing its molecular makeup from flesh to glass in .002 seconds--
Now she walks with no heart
It's how she lost her heart.


Tale of Flowers and Girls:
A flower blossoms full bloom in a matter of moments; the pink petals smile under the sunlight. A little girl smile's down upon the flower, and plucks it. The flower is hers now, not the Sun's. 

She skips down the sidewalk, the cement scraping her shoes. All the other flowers --Yellow, Blue, Red-- envy the flower's Pink petals as it passes by, grasped by the girl's small fingers.

All the way home the girl holds the flower up tenderly, admiring it and envying it too, all at the same time. She finds a vase to the flower in and sets it on the kitchen table. Mine, she thinks. She stares at it for a minute before wandering off and playing with her toys.

The flower sits, unmoving. It wishes for a warm spring breeze to come make it sway. It wishes the Sun would come a little farther inside, so that its Rays would warm its soul. Day after day, the flower wishes. Day after day, the flower grows more dreary. The Pink starts to fade. Brown corrupts it. The flower misses the wind and the Sun. "The girl forgot about me." The flower wilts.

And the girl did indeed forget about the flower. She became distracted by her toys and electronics and puberty. The flower fades from her mind and her vision as she grows up.

And all the other flowers that came into being, into the young woman's path, was ignored, overlooked. The flowers would try to get her attention, but in vain.

Kids play outside. One girl walks by the flowers, notices a beautiful Pink flower. She plucks it.

                                                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Memories
Memories floating through your mind
You think back on memories and feel like they happened just yesterday
Then you realize how long it's been...
5 years...
10 years...
15 years...

And a part of you can't believe it
Memories are frozen in time. Timeless.
Only yours.
No one else can touch them.
No one else knows them.
Not from your perspective.
Only yours.
Timeless.


Untitled
It is harder to hold back now
To hold myself back
To hold my feelings back...

My skin sings with your presence
It sings with mere
Thoughts of you...

But when you are near
It is almost unbearable
I cannot contain my 
Feelings in a bottle anymore...

I cannot contain them
I don't want to
But you're not ready...

My skin sings
And my heart's aflutter
An experience unlike any other...

I used to ignore these feelings
When I was around you
Until I became consciously aware of them...

Now I want to hold you
Not just laugh with you
But be with you...

I want to be with you
And it's eating me up inside...

I do not want to put a cap on my feelings
I do not want to hold back
But I do not want to push you away
Even more...

I said, "I love you"
And I want to say it again
I want to express it...

I want to sing
The way my skin does

I want to dance
The way my heart does

I want to dance with you...

I want to whisper sweet nothings in your ear
I want to experience a higher consciousness
With you...

I want to say, "I love you"
Without restraint
Without holding back

I want to say
I love you
And want you to say it back...

We soar on wings of love.


                         (I don't really like that ending....)

The "Us" Factor
What we were
Where we are
What we will be...

What we were 
Fearless
Open
Honest
Compete trust
Talked about everything

Where we are
is what we were
With an elephant 
in the room
Sometimes it's a baby elephant
Sometimes it's a full-grown
with tusks
I feel stuck
Uncertain
Which direction to go
Which path will we take?
What will we be?

What we will be
One path leads to giving
the "Us" factor a chance
Can there be an "us" aside 
from the way we were?
Can there be a new "us" for us?
I think so
But maybe not
The other path 
is uncertain as I am now
We can't go back to the 
Way we were
Not with where we are now
I wish it were that easy
But my bottled feelings
Cannot be rebottled
As they were before

I feel stuck
Uncertain
Can't go back
Afraid to go forward
One thing is certain
I can't lose your friendship
Maybe we'll have an "us"
Maybe we'll just be us
For always
Not the Way we were
Not the Way we are, Where we are
But What we will be
A different path
A path unseen.

                                                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~

These were all spread out from one another, but man, putting them together felt good. I'm sensing a theme here. Haha.

Aug. 15th, 2011

10 things i hate about you

I Give Up

I've been struggling to keep my head above the surface
bobbing in the water
and now,
all I want to do
is to let go.
Let the water take me...

See where it leads...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can't do this life thing anymore... All I do is struggle...

My mom's in jail for the animal stuff. When she gets out, I don't know what'll happen. Her house is in foreclosure... I went to get a few movies...... ended up with a couple of boxes. It was strange to be there with only Roger and Rusty (Roger's dog), the only dog that my mom will be able to live with when she's out. She will not be able to own her own pet for at least 5 years. I feel for her. I don't know what we're all going to do. I sometimes feel like we should never have moved from Santa Clarita. How different my life would be......

I would've moved out eventually, but it wouldn't have been so sudden.
I wouldn't have been homeless.... twice.
I wouldn't have been in my car accident on the 405 traveling from Sarah's in Santa Monica to work in Santa Clarita.
I wouldn't have had my fight with Tanya (evil Stepmother), although let's be honest, she'd have found a way to have a fight eventually... just not at devastating as the real one.
Mom would still have a house, a job... She'd still struggle as always, but, she'd make it.
I'd still have Twilight... I miss my horse soooo much, I can't even find the words. I want my horse.
I'd still be driving Tiger Lily, since I wouldn't have had my accident.
I wouldn't have moved to the Valley so abruptly.
I wouldn't have transferred to work in the Valley.
I wouldn't have met Sammy, Susie, Marc, Andrew, Sal, Tiff, Robert... all the people at Vons who matter to me, who have made a huge impact in my life.
I'd still have Frances, but would we be as close?
I'd still have met Brad..... BUT I wouldn't have known Keenan...
Sarah and Beth probably would still be talking.
I'd see my niece and nephew more.
I'd see Lacey, Kalina, Christina more...
I wouldn't feel stranded in the Valley.
...whatever else...

I'm so tired of struggling... I can fight and fight and fight the tide for so long, but Life, you gotta throw me a bone. I can't take it anymore...

And Sarah's relationship is falling to pieces... And I'm so sad. I really wanted her to have a lasting relationship. And I can't fully give up and crawl in a whole... Because I can't leave Sarah. I can't abandon Sarah. I can't imagine what she'd do without me in the world. I can't imagine what I'd do without her either.

Men are stupid. Just when you start to open up, start to trust... start to have feelings for them... they turn your back on you, for a "spark". I know how amazing I am. I'm not being full of myself, but I know I'm amazing. After everything life's put me through and I've kept strong and pushed through. I haven't ended up a drug addict, a gang member, a dropout, etc, despite being in situations that could have led me down those paths... I always pushed through...

But Life, Universe... Goddamnit, you have to throw me a lifeline. One really thick, supportive lifeline... I'm hanging on by a string. One measly, feeble string.

I just can't believe it though... The "I'm never having a relationship again" Brad is seeing someone as in "exclusively", as in he wants a relationship out of it. Seriously? WOW. And I'm hurt... Not as hurt as I've been before, definitely not. But, I just can't take any of it any more. It doesn't make any sense to me how I still haven't had a single relationship. A true, loving, lasting relationship. It amazes me sometimes. I just think it's because the guys I meet, more specifically, get involved with, aren't ready for me. Well, this ship has sailed. And one day you'll regret it. Because my people are MY PEOPLE. When you're my people, you're there forever.

I'm grateful for his honesty though. I'd rather have someone be honest with me than to keep it hidden. That's the one good thing out of this situation right now.... I also was never completely ME when I was with him... I was starting to be. I was starting to completely open up. Well that door's shut again.
And when I do have a relationship (long-lasting), I already know how it should feel, how it will feel. It won't be a struggle. You work it out together. You go through life supporting each other and helping each other, loving each other. It'll be a love. There will be no drama because if there is, then it just isn't right. It'll be someone who proves to be trustworthy and not betray that trust. It's something that I have to continue to believe in. And I know it's out there... but where???? When will I meet this man??? I am not someone who notices men left and right. Hardly at all do I really look at men. Every once in a blue moon. I'm not out to meet up with every guy that catches my eye... It's hard for me to meet guys. Which is why I think I get more upset about guys finding a girl to be with... Really??? Really???

I think my rant is done. I want my tears to be done. I want this headache to be done. I want Life to stop screwing with me. I want this endless pain charade to end.


Quotes:
"It's like a double-edged sword. You're damned if you do; you're damned if you don't." -Sarah

"Forgive them (men), for they know not what they do."

Apr. 16th, 2011

10 things i hate about you

Overlooked

Why am I always overlooked?
Through my peers' eyes
Through my friends' eyes
Through my love interest's eyes
I'm overlooked.

They choose someone else
Can't they see?
I'm right here
I could wave my arms
And they wouldn't see
Wouldn't think of me.

Peers
I'm well rounded
Can do anything
And everything I want
I'm good at everything I do
Even when my heart's not in it.

Friends
I try to include everyone
When you're in my niche
You're there for life
I'm never going to turn my back on you.

Lovers
Few and far between
I'm so selective
I have a tendency
To attach myself to friends
They have a tendency
To confide in me
About who they love.

I give up
My energy is faltering
It's exhausting to make yourself noticeable
I don't know how everyone does it
So effortlessly
And effectively.

I find myself not caring
Not interested in what people have to say
If they can't lend an ear my way.

I'll always be here
Doing my own thing
I guess I'll just remain
Overlooked.

Apr. 11th, 2011

first kiss

Trying to Write

I just can't get myself to write lately... So here it goes. I'm going to spark some sort of gibberish out so I can get the juices flowing and THEN get to finishing that short script.

~~~~~~~~~~
With You

Walking, sighing, stopping, looking
Frozen in place.

Mind racing
Debating
What should I do?

I should move
I should just stay
I should just leave
Go to him.
What are you waiting for?

Fidgeting, pacing
The longer you wait
the more ridiculous you'll be.

Stop waiting.
Stop dreaming.
Make it real.
Make this real.

Running...
Hair flowing...
knocking...

Am I really doing this?
I've come a long way
from being afraid.

Looking, taking
Lips locking
Embracing...

I just want this moment to last forever
I want this to be as real as it feels
Before I wake up
And realize
I'm in over my head
Hell, I'm in my head.

You fade from my sight
But the rush still stays
Within me

A smile spreads across my face
I touch my lips
And think of you.

It was real!
It's always real
With you.

~~~~~~~~~~~
(I'm not a rhymer... lol.)

Childhood Fantasies

I still love my Unicorns
And my Dragons too
I love my Pikachu
And Wolverine (('s do)) (<---HAHA no)

But somehow they're different
Even though they're not
It's me that's different
A little or a lot?

I see these things,
These fantastical creatures
These created characters,
I smile.

They make me smile
Reminiscing
About these obsessions
But then that smile fades.

Thoughts of what used to be
And what is
How I perceive these things
has changed.

They aren't as magical
as they used to be
They aren't as attractive
Or perhaps it's just me.

Growing up
Losing my imagination
my creativity
my naïvety...
Myself.

Apr. 9th, 2011

heavenly horses

Slipping Back

I pretty much just got home from watching Batman (Tim Burton's, 1989) at the Nuart. It was awesome to see it on the big screen. :)
I met up with Brad there. It was nice to have some company....

Which gets me into my thoughts...

I'm just so tired of being alone. So tired of it. I was mostly at home alone growing up, hardly anyone was ever around. And it's not like I could be at a friend's place every day all the time... ha.
And I'm still alone. If I'm ever at my apartment, I'm mostly alone. I am just so tired of it. I've been left home alone since I was like 4 years old. If my siblings ever watched me, they never really "watched" me. I remember mostly either terrorizing my sister's (Beth's) friends because I would act like a vicious dog (no joke hahaha) or being dragged into my mom's room to be forced to take a nap, which I never wanted to do. I could never nap. And that would just make me pissed off and upset, etc etc etc.

I don't know why I'm thinking of this crap. I'm just so over being constantly alone. I don't want to constantly have company either, but a girl needs some company. There should be some sort of balance to all of this. I don't know... I'm over it. Time for more company in my life. If anything, to at least distract me from these thoughts.

I've been drawing again lately... It's been so long; I'm so rusty. haha. And looking back on old drawings brought back some painful memories of being at home.... =/

But why do I have the urge to draw now when I really need to be writing? *sigh*
I don't get why I do not write as much as I used to... Maybe because I'm so busy all the time to not be in my own head to write. But then, when I am in my head, I get like this. So then, I've been keeping myself busy? Psychoanalyzing myself is oh-so-fun!

Bought Black Swan! :D And currently listening to the soundtrack which Frances burnt for me. And I finally saw The Fountain.

Releasing thoughts before trying to sleep. Now, I should be able to sleep. Yes. Going to the set of "Helen: A Great Old Broad" tomorrow again. They're filming at CBS Studio Center. Wooooo.... Hopefully I have enough energy. Daniel is gaffing and he has no electricians pretty much, except when I've been around... And a couple of other guys who are supposed to be doing other tasks have been swinging to electrician here and there. At least being on set will keep me distracted.

Feb. 21st, 2011

Film!

Cannes here I come! Plus Oscar talk.

I found out Friday, that I got the Internship at the Cannes International Film Festival! I'm going to Cannes! It's also going to be a huge practice for Producing. I have to create money from nothing pretty much. I have plenty of fundraising ideas, one of which is to sew some stuffs and sell them on Venice Beach. haha.

But I got the internship!!!!!! Yeeeeeee!!!!

Enough of that. Oscars are coming up this next week. I'm so proud of myself. I've seen a lot of the films nominated for Best Picture, and the ones I haven't, well, they're on my list. My super long list, although, now since they've been nominated, they're pushed to the top. Don't think I'll be able to watch the rest of them within this next week, plus no money to go see those still in theaters. I have to really watch my spending right now. All-in-all, I'm actually really frickin' excited about this year at the Oscars... I know almost every movie and person nominated and/or they've been on my list to see all last year. :)
(Did I mention how much I'm in love with Black Swan? Also, finally, FINALLY saw Inception).

Best Picture Nominees:
-Black Swan
-The Fighter
-Inception
-The Kids Are Alright
-The King's Speech
-127 Hours
-The Social Network
-Toy Story 3
-True Grit
-Winter's Bone

I'm in LOVE with Black Swan. haha. But I do not think it will get an Oscar for Best Picture. I'm 1000% sure that it's going to go to The Social Network. I think it's an important film especially in this day and age. Funny thing, the only time I got to watch The Social Network was on the flight home from New Orleans. Hey, it works.

Inception was pretty awesome, but being a writer, I was able to predict how things were going to happen. I wasn't surprised at the end when his ****spoiler**** guilt about his wife was revealed (he hints with BIG RED flags - to me - in the beginning of the movie that it is this and why else would she be haunting him?). Also, of course it's still a dream! Christopher Nolan is starting to be a bit predictable. That's okay, though. It's just me.

Toy Story 3 was so amazing, really hit on being an adult and nostalgia from childhood. I had no doubt in my mind that it's going to win Best Animated Film. I have heard though something about how How to Train Your Dragon might beat it. I can't really say. I haven't seen the movie yet. But, I can't see how because this is one of the best Pixar films yet... ever!

I've been dying to see The Kid's Are Alright, The Fighter, The King's Speech, 127 Hours, and Winter's Bone for the majority of all last year. In that acting class over summer, I heard about the amazing acting from the cast of Winter's Bone. The Kid's Are Alright just looked like my kind of movie. The Fighter has a great cast (Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale?! and Amy Adams of course). The King's Speech also has an amazing cast and that had my attention from the beginning, plus amazing reviews. Colin Firth? The former Mr. Darcy!? I love him. 127 Hours appealed to me mostly because of the true story it's based on and me wondering how they would film it in pretty much one setting and keep me interested. Also, James Franco... and the fact that it does look like a rough ride.

Something else I've been dying to see: Rabbit Hole.

My Predictions:
Best Picture - The Social Network
Best Actor - Colin Firth (I really want him to win... I think Jesse Eisenberg would win, but he's a newer face, at least to me).
Best Supporting Actor - Christian Bale
Best Actress - Natalie Portman (I'm very happy to see Nicole Kidman, Annette Bening, and Michelle Williams on this list too. I've heard that Michelle Williams was even better than Natalie Portman, but I'm so sure that Portman is going to snag this one).
Best Supporting Actress - Melissa Leo (I kind of chose her because she won at the SAGs. The others I don't think will win, except for maybe Amy Adams, but I've heard how good Leo is in The Fighter).
Best Animated Feature - Toy Story 3
Art Direction - Inception
Cinematography - Black Swan, Matthew Libatique (...it really is astounding!)
Best Director - I'm actually really torn for this one. I'm rooting for Darren Aronofsky for Black Swan, but I'm sure it's going to be either Tom Hooper for The King's Speech or David Fincher for The Social Network.
Editing - The Social Network
Best Foreign Film - Biutiful (I've heard of nothing other than this film. Another film that's been on my list).
Best Original Score - The Social Network, Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross (I'm really sad that Clint Marshall didn't get a nomination though for Black Swan. That soundtrack adds so much to the film, but The Social Network would still win anyway...)
Best Animated Short - either The Lost Thing or Day&Night (I was able to see the Animated and Live Action short at the Nuart. It was pretty awesome).
Best Live Action Short - either Na Wewe or Wish 143 (God of Love was my favorite though).
Best Sound Editing - True Grit (it might be Inception, but I was impressed with the sound in True Grit. And a part of me thinks they got those shots just to edit the sound. haha.)
Sound Mixing - Inception
Visual Effects - Inception
Best Adapted Screenplay - The Social Network (even though it really wasn't adapted, the book was finished before the movie).
Best Original Screenplay - Inception

The King's Speech has been nominated for the most Oscars, a total of 12. But as we all (should) know, the ones that are nominated for the most Oscars, don't really win the most.

Phew. That was more than I thought. But I have an opinion about pretty much everything this year at the Oscars! I even saw the shorts! Yay! I just feel so proud of myself. I always feel so behind.

~~~~~
On other notes, why don't I have any Snow Patrol or U2 CDs? Just something I've been wondering lately. Also, why don't I have all of The Cranberries' CDs?
I've also been thinking about getting older. Not that I actually care about getting older, but about the things that shift when you become older.... habits that I have to leave behind or pick up because I'm getting older / growing up. The main thing I'm referring to right now is that I have to get into the habit of looking at a man's ring finger before I set upon liking him. Has only happened once, where I became interested in a married man (unknowingly) and hopefully never again. Didn't look at his damn ring finger. WTF?! Shrugging it off.

In the meantime, I've mainly been writing this to avoid the DVD frozen in my DVD player: Rebel Without A Cause. I don't want to do my homework relating to it. I do and I don't. I've chosen a scene to analyze for Advanced Cinematography and it's just quite a long scene. I've been going back and forth on working on it today. We'll see when I actually do finish it.

I applied for Starbucks Manager! The store at Devonshire and Mason. We'll see what happens, but I think I've been the only one to apply and it's been posted for about 2 weeks. Everything's happening all at once, and it's amazing! 2011 is going to be a good year. 2011 is a good year. ^.^

Sarah's going to help me get a DSLR camera too. In the meantime, I've whipped out the Film SLR camera again. Lacey needs some headshots done and such, so I'm going to have a photo shoot with her. Sal's opted to be my photo assistant. lol! It works... he needs to learn some, he can help me out.

I also talked to Andrew (daystocker) at work about doing a music video for his band. So photo shoots and music videos! Who knew? It's all so awesome.

Sep. 25th, 2010

heavenly horses

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Orgasmic! lol.

Jul. 20th, 2010

heavenly horses

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Took a dozen roses to my Grandma's grave today... It would have been her bday.

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